i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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