New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
