I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
