So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
