I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
