ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
