Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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