You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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