Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
