My friends, they love my intelligence
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I supernannyed him into submission
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
