im six kinds of drunk right now
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
