i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
