And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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