So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
