so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
