Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
