I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
