eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just forgot I was standing up.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
