Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
