I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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