I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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