apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
