Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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