She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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