I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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