I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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