I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
