i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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