I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
