a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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