I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
