so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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