i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
