i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Randomize
