she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
