Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
