God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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