All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
