sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
