Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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