I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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