they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
