I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
