good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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