literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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