So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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