Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
