Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
