I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
