blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
