and you said cock pushups were impossible
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
