You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
