pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
