She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
