She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
