Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
